A Reader's Story: Solo Mum + Sperm Donor = Baby
By Katrine Rosborg Bak
My story is a bit untraditional, but relatively simple and simultaneously a wild journey, where lots of people have voiced their opinion about my choice.
I was 23 years of age. Alone. And you could refer to me as broody, because I was really broody. More than most people at 23. The only thing I had been thinking about for the past few years was this child, which I was longing for so badly. I realised that I wanted a child more than I wanted a man, because the only thing I was looking for in men was a ‘dad’ for my child, and that just wasn’t feasible in the long run. Especially not when you’re on Tinder and just 23 years old.
I found a lot of information about fertility treatment, wondering whether it even was possible to have a child on your own, especially being younger than the average solo mum. And would I be able to manage? I arrived at the conclusion that my answer to both questions was in the affirmative. I was financially ready for it, and I had spoken with a private clinic, which had come highly recommended. I was quickly invited to an introductory conversation at the clinic and was received by the sweetest midwife, who didn’t show the slightest sign of prejudice. Making the decision about doing this on my own had also created this sense of calm and confidence in me. Having a child with myself. Which probably helped quite a lot.
As all of the test results were fine, I was able to get an appointment in my following cycle. Before the insemination, I had to order sperm straws, which in itself was a surreal experience, prompting me to wonder whether it would work with this or that donor? What would my child end up looking like? Etc. I was scanned on the 12th day of my cycle, and my follicle was the infamous 18 mm, which meant that I later that night was able to take the ovulation injection and 36 hours later become inseminated.
Two weeks later I found myself with a positive pregnancy test. Such a crazy feeling. I was going to be someone’s mother.
I shared the news with friends and family quite quickly, and I was met by insanely many questions. Lots of inappropriate and curious ones, such as how much it had cost, whether I was a lesbian, whether I had been unfortunate on a night out, etc. I tried to take most of it with a smile, and often I really did/do want to explain, but people are generally very quick at asking very personal questions about my child’s creation, which can sometimes be quite uncomfortable.