Pictures by Camilla Jørvad
Two years, a husband, cotton wedding anniversary. Wuhu and then on a wet and grey Monday. What is there to learn from that? Don’t get married in the second weekend of August unless you see it as a part of the charm – anyway it has been raining for the past three years. On our wedding the 13th of August 2016, my best friends wedding on the 12th of August 2017 and it did nothing but rain the entire weekend. And they say it means fertility, haha, I don’t know about that! But just think we almost didn’t notice it. Even though we had a smaller torrential rainfall just after the reception ended. That small amount of rain? You don’t notice it, when you walk around on cloud nine all day
But get married damn it! No parties are bigger or better than your wedding. It beats everything. Confirmation, graduation even the best 30th birthday party. Nothing beats a wedding.
And is it all worth it? The money, the trouble? YES. Yes, yes and yes again. It is. And I don’t regret anything!
Does it then feel different to be married? Yes, I believe it does. Besides more bling on my fingers, it’s the feeling of being a permanent employee. Even though one has been a freelance at it for many years with fixed ties, then there is definitely more to it to see it on paper. Honestly, it has a certain power. And it is both deadly romantic but also like signing a contract. Very responsible. Yes, I like being in control of my connections. Also the one to Adam. We are tied, indebted, married and parents to be.
Moreover, I enjoy calling myself “your wife”. “Couldn’t you make a cup of coffee for your wife?”. “You have to be nice to your wife.” “You have to get your wife ice cream, when she asks for it.” And yes, I prefer the word wife and not spouse. I think I have mentioned that before. For me spouse sounds like someone who hangs on their husbands arm like a prize. Trophy wife. It sounds girly and graceful and that’s just very far from how I perceive myself. Whereas wife sounds more down to earth. Someone you can trust. I would also never call Adam my spouse. He is my husband and I am his wife. It is also in some way more equal!
I know that there is so much about that, which sounds out-dated and perhaps the opposite of equal. The whole ritual. That you, as a woman, are given away at the altar. That you cut holes in the bridegroom’s socks, so the woman has something to do; some socks to repair (other people say that it’s to make an impression, but who knows). It’s still the norm to take the man’s last name (and peace be with that). For me to enjoyyyy to be someone’s wife – maybe I am a little old-school?
But Adam is also someone’s husband. My husband. And I am first and foremost my own just like he is his own. It is actually a little poignant. It is just a very safe feeling to be each other’s. The marriage. It’s like there are some rules in the contract; MAKE IT WORK. For better or for worse. You’re in it. And the drama, the ALL or NOTHING, I like it. Although the marriage actually is perishable if you just contact Nem-ID. But yes, a kid is a little more binding. Debt in the bank as well.
I that constellation, the marriage is the romantic contract. The one about “you and me”. And that’s also why I really wanted to get married before having children. I wanted to celebrate the “you and me” and our ten years of love, before we invited others (kids) into the contract. Yes, marriage is in many ways an ancient romantic constellation. But don’t we also need that? Human’s need love and romance. We do need to celebrate! We have to celebrate! Us selves – have a kick ass 27th birthday, BECAUSE. Celebrate our candidates. Celebrate that it’s Monday. Celebrate that we wake up every morning. We have to celebrate each other, celebrate the family. Celebrate life. More parties.
So go do it. Marriage. I support the message. On your own terms. If it’s a Thursday with beer in the back garden or at a castle with champagne. And do it again – if it’s the same man or another one, I don’t want to be the judge of that. But do it. That’s what I’m thinking we have to do, host a party for ourselves. Maybe when we are halfway towards the copper wedding? Or when we, in a year, are celebrating copper dating day?
Psst… And If you are celebrating love with a little wedding party, maybe in 2019? Then look forward to a wedding book that’s coming out soon.